I’m tired, boss.

I’m tired, boss. Mostly I’m tired of people being ugly to each other. I’m tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world every day. There’s too much of it. It’s like pieces of glass in my head all the time. (John Coffey…like the drink but not spelled the same. From The Green Mile movie.) 

Ditto John.

I’ve been doing a lot of conversing with my Boss too. It looks something like this: 

What in the world is going on, Lord? First the pandemic had everyone in a panic, knocking each other over to get that last roll of toilet paper. Loving our neighbor looked like “hey, can you spare a square in case of an emergency?” We’ve been in isolation for weeks now. I miss faces. I miss real hugs. I miss connection outside of a Zoom screen. When will this be over? 

Everyone has an opinion. Open back up. No, stay closed. It’s a conspiracy. It’s dangerous out there. Wear masks. I’m not wearing a mask and you can’t make me! Churches should stay open. Where’s your faith? How dare churches stay open! Don’t you care about people? It’s political. It’s those darn Democrats. It’s the rude Republicans. I love how our governor is handling things. Are you kidding me? He’s an idiot. Speaking of idiots, did you see Trump on the news? MAGA all day long. 

People post article after article and meme after meme, supporting their side, their cause, their opinion. Suddenly everyone’s an expert. Sound bites and snake bites spew the same venom.

Going places is strange. People are afraid. I get weird looks when I have my mask on and horrified looks if I don’t. What is going on? What are you up to Lord? 

I’m already tired from it all, my thumb calloused from scrolling past the thoughts and theories. What happened to pictures of grandbabies and gourmet meals? 

I had no idea that was only the beginning. 

George Floyd. God help us. Why? Just why? 

There are big feelings. Help me to understand. Help me to reach out. I’m a middle-aged white woman. What can I do? Show me, Lord.

Everyone has opinions…again. Black lives matter. All lives matter. Blue lives matter. All black men are suspect. All black men are not bad. All cops are pigs. Not all cops are bad. Riots are happening because people need to be heard. What happened to social distancing? Peaceful protests are what it’s all about. Destruction of property is about making a statement. I’m a black man, your brother, why are you destroying my business that I’ve worked so hard to build? 

Pieces of glass indeed, John Coffey. 

Do black lives matter? Absolutely and wholeheartedly YES!! To some it’s a statement of truth and to others it’s an organization that causes trouble. To some you can’t be a person of faith and believe in the BLM’s cause and to others you aren’t a person of faith if you don’t.

God help us!

Lord, I have friends who are Mommas of black young men who are scared for their boys. I have friends who are Mommas of men (and women) that are police officers who are scared for their loved ones. Wives and husbands who fear for their spouses because of the color of their skin or the career path they took. 

I’m not for one or the other but both. Is that even allowed? 

It’s been said that to be silent is to be an oppressor. I don’t want to oppress anyone nor offend…therein lies the problem. We’ve created a world that is so politically correct that I simply can’t keep up; a world so easily offended that if I use a word that was okay last week but not this week, I’m obviously a racist. 

It’s exhausting. 

A few years ago, I could use the term black and it wasn’t offensive, until it was. Then African American was used to embrace the heritage from which people came, until it wasn’t because all black people are not from Africa. People of color is now offensive because it includes those who are not black but simply a different color. 

I mean no disrespect but fear saying the wrong thing. In the silence of me trying not to offend, I offend. I don’t want to simply black out my screen on social media and change nothing. I want to listen to learn. But I can’t hear anything if all everyone’s doing is screaming at each other. I want to listen to hear and not be heard. I want to listen, not mentally preparing my rebuttal because I know I’m right but to simply try to understand a different viewpoint, a different perspective. What if we listened and then said, “That’s interesting, tell me more.”  

God help me! I just want to love You and love people! 

I’m tired, Boss. 

But none of this surprises You does it? 

You told us that “many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another….. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.” (Matthew 24:10-12NKJV)

Has our love grown cold? Do we look at each other and see enemies instead of human beings made in the image of You?

We are broken Lord. Bind up our wounds like You say You will in Psalm 147:3. 

Be close to those who are brokenhearted and save those whose spirts are crushed like You promise in Psalm 34:18. 

Help heal our hearts. 

Help us to see others as you see them. 

Help us, Lord, I pray. Amen.


6 thoughts on “I’m tired, boss.

  1. Yes. All of this! So well-articulated.
    In His Word is the only place I feel calm. That’s where I have to sit. That’s where we have to go.

    1. Yes! His word is our safe place and where we can go for wisdom and direction! Thanks for reading Anna! 💕

  2. So well said Kim! It’s exhausting trying to stay neutral and just simply love people.

  3. Kim I love this! You put into words how I think, how I feel! I just want to scream “can’t everyone just be nice”? Thank you!

    1. What a difference it would make if everyone chose to simply be kind to each other! Thanks for reading Judy!! 💕

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